Chaos Theory

If trust is given to those, 
Who deserve it.
I should confess. 
I no longer trust 
A single soul that lingers  
Beneath this dome nor its corridors.

I’ll continue to hold the door 
Though.
Here, it’s open.
Watch you 
Proceed as if permitted
Entry.
Oh s’cuse me, 
I beg your pardon.
I’m hardly one to bother with the gimmicks;
If being honest with you.

Feels like I’m damned if I do.
But if I don’t; all hell 
Breaks loose.
See, if I choose this I’ll loose it:
You would too. 
Claims of helplessness, 
You abuse that shit
Fluidly.
But, fool me quite honestly,
Not hardly.  
Why bother with me?!?

Without something new, I’m unglued 
From the hinge; 
Like a storm door 
Torn off.
Rips in the floorboards.
Cabinets stacked skyward.
Laugh and I’ll cackle,
I’m batshit 
Quite mad
In fact. 

Every fuckin feeling 
Hits me different. 
Trigger squeeze 
Now, Let it ring from the ceiling.
I call on Yahweh 
Most days 
To remind me 
I’m living.
If it’s not Hell, it’s a jail 
Cell I’m sitting in. 
My demeanor lacks all 
Promise or prestige.
No reason to be seen,
When no one is listening.

Another cold case file 
Piled up.
I’ll just pack it away:
Or should I wait for,
Traces of evidence. 
Rather than prioritize every crook 
And every nestled corner.
When what I visualize 
Can’t be generalized through pineal;
I’m not all seeing. 
There are no text book answers.
Standard protocol,
I’ll endure it all.
Use every tool in my revenue.

But where does that get me
Frustration one second. 
Addicted to rage I feel it,
Simmer, 
From a cauldron hidden,  
Deep within.
Sadness it depends 
Depressed is my resting place.
No state of grace 
Can replace or outpace me
But then. 

Comes: 
Common sense.
Analyzing algorithms sensibly.
To philosophical to feel shit. 
To calculated to risk it, 
Come quick. 
Confirm the numbers 
On the tapestry.
It’s written in Hieroglyphics
Some foreign gibberish. 

When science lacks the 
answers I am lookin for.
When God continuously
Rejects my call.
Who can I lean on 
When times are hard?
It seems like 
No one at all. 
And thus;
From darkness there is chaos.