Life: It’s Complicated


© (Photography by Joshua Earle)

The Beginning

“If only we possessed the capability to reverse the hands of time.

Once life becomes a physical manifestation of our worst fears,

bet we all wished we were kids again. Once upon a time when we

were absent minded and free”

-Derek Johnson-

As prepubescent boys and girls, a general question often asked is; “What do we want to be when we grow up”? For each of us, these choices vary. In my youth; children desired careers within several professions. There were those who wanted to be police officers and fireman or paramedics. There where even those who believed they would become Power Rangers one day. I’m sure choices are a lot different nowadays and, they will continue to change over the course of our lives; especially as the youth of today transition from adolescence to adulthood. You never hear people say they want to be a husband or wife. You seldom hear children say they want to be a mom or dad. At best you will hear they want to be like their mom or like their dad. This is typically implied; a part of life. It’s a process that has and will continue to affect each, and every one of us. With age come’s change not just in the physical realm. We also experience a mental growth spurt. Our hormones stampede in and wreak havoc. We become intolerant to any sort of structure. Tend to rebel against discipline and seem to think we have it all figured out. Throughout this period, we’ve failed to realize the struggles faced by those parents or legal guardians. How much suffering did they have to endure, in order to provide us with the lives they never had? That which include being able to provide us with those things we wanted: and especially the things that are needed. Raise your hand if you have ever said something to the effect of, “I can’t wait to be on my own” or “I’m so ready to move out”. Most of us have throughout our years in high school. But as we advance to that graduation stage like a scene from the runway, we realize we are ready to embark on our next journey. Ladies, and gentleman boys and girls on your mark, get set, GO: “Welcome: to the world of adulthood”.


What’s Next?

Well at this point you should have decided what the next course of action is as you plan your life. After all, this is when you can show your true potential, just remember you can be anything you have ever inspired to be, at least in most cases. Here are your options, on the left There’s the illustrious college scene. For those in need of a break or are simply tired of the education system; On your right, we have well: the workforce. Whatever you’ve decided: life at this point is guaranteed to change forever. There will be good, and you will certainly experience some bad days, that’s life. We no longer live in the days where things are simply handed to us. As an adult, if you want something you have to work for it. For those who began working early on; you are ahead of the power curb. You may not have had an issue with getting your hands dirty, but that was only the beginning. If college was your choice, well you have a little time. However, in about 4 to 8 years expect to be knee deep in adulthood and unfortunately, you might just find out it’s not all it was cracked up to be. Now it’s your turn: a college graduate and throughout your years in pursuit of a higher-level education; you meet the love of your life. You wed and just like that BOOM; you have a family to support. You are family and career-oriented, goal driven yet barely making ends meet. You are certainly qualified, yet you feel you’re getting nowhere in your current line of work which symbolizes a metaphorical dead end, or a black hole. It just seems like you just keep getting looked over. Bills are piling up; your toddler is suddenly sick. Perhaps your poison; You weren’t fortunate enough to have kids of your own, and you aren’t getting any younger. Your wife hasn’t seen you in weeks, because work hours have exceeded the norm. There is an overabundance of obstacles, but don’t get comfortable; things are just starting to warm up.


Can’t Win

The harsh reality is you may have conquered every obstruction one after the next. Kudos you’ve shown promise. What you don’t realize is that even after eliminating every obstacle that has blocked your path there is another waiting around the curve, and it’s possible the next will be more challenging than the last 10 you’ve managed to conquer thus far. Now you have run into a head-on collision with stress, how will this get better? When it seems like you have experienced some of the worst possible outcomes. Your spouse has informed you they are no longer happy; they want a divorce. What you don’t know is that you are only a dear john letter away from finding this all out in the worst way possible. PAUSE: what will you do? A call into the supervisor’s office is seldom beneficial. You have been told that you’re getting demoted based on your substandard performance and piss poor attitude. The first thing you think does a pay decrease come to mind. Low and behold your performance has only diminished in recent weeks due to the amount of stress you have been dealt, but no matter. Your only ever as good as your last effort; right? I mean that’s what society would have you to believe; which is an unfair assumption. Everything that could possibly go wrong has. You keep hearing “It gets better, it gets better, it gets better”. But when in the hell do you find that light at the end of the tunnel: Keep reading there’s more. Because you no longer believe the words you are hearing, do you? You haven’t a bit of faith, to match the size of a mustard seed, have you? Can you remember the last time you were even Happy? As a matter of fact, “What in the fuck: does it mean to be Happy” because no matter what is just seems like You Can’t Win.


What to think

You have become a harbor for spirits with how you overthink. If your thoughts could be bottled up, well: the conjuring might come to mind. Your focus becomes a vortex of unstable thoughts, all of which are being propelled towards you concurrently. “I just wanted to make them proud,” you think, as you visualize your parents along with your own wife and child. You’ve spent several years of your life chasing a dream. Believing this dream would come with ease. You’ve dedicated your life to caring for others when no one else cared. You wanted to ensure you were taking care of the essentials. The people around you, and those closest to you. Striving to do and to be better than anticipated but, look at you now. You’ve been neglected and you’ve neglected yourself. Now all you can do is make statements like; “Where did it all get me, I have nothing.” You’re tired, depressed, anxious contemplating, each, and every waking second; every single day. No friends, no one to talk to; to lean on. The spouse took everything including the dog. “Are you fuckin kidding me? You think. “She didn’t even like the damn dog; what the fuck”. Every thought seems to come to mind; every question imaginable. With everything you have, your attempts to hold on for dear life remain present, at least for the moment. You refuse to allow a collection of your thoughts to tarnish what lies in your heart, yet these thoughts continue. “Why am I in this position?” What did I do to deserve this? “No really, what did you do to deserve this?”Would anyone miss me?” “Would they even care?”. I’m a failure, I’ve lost everything. Your life is a sitcom; mentally you encounter the same battle like a scheduled repeat. You wonder if you have you lost your mind? What began as “I don’t think I can do this anymore,” becomes “I just can’t do this anymore. If only we possessed the capability to reverse the hands of time. When life becomes a physical manifestation of our worst fears, I bet we all wished we were kids again. Once upon a time when we were absent minded and free: because life is complicated.



It’s not hard to imagine how dark our thoughts become the deeper we travel down the rabbit hole. It’s far too easy to become swept away in our feelings, like the roughest of waves once the tide rolls in. The minute we begin questioning everything; including our own sense of being, the clock starts as the downward spiral begins. So, before we continue, I want to ask you to stop everything that you are doing; thinking, contemplating; take a seat, breath: and prepare to listen; because you are not alone. To Be continued>>>>>> Next up: My Story

Also See Life: Is Complicated @

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